About
I began Weight Watchers on May 3, 2005. It was a decision a long time in the making. I have known forever that I needed to lose weight, but I never really gave it a good go. I tried Atkins, and passed out after the “intro” diet. I tried going to a woman’s gym, and hated the fact that the girl telling me what to do was a 110 lb high school student that had never understood what it was like to be fat. So, I essentially gave up, and realized I was going to be fat forever.
Until I went online to weightwatchers.com. I was hooked after reading a particular story of a girl who did the program online and lost over 100 lbs in a matter of a year. That was it for me, I had to try it.
I lost 6 lbs my first 4 days. I had lost 9 lbs by the end of my first week. That was it for me! My life was going to change forever…..
But before I continue on with my changing life, I should probably give the rundown on how my life was up until my “ah ha” moment…..
I was born on January 5, 1978 at 3:19am in Los Alamitos, CA. Out of all the days to be born, I just happened to be born on my mother’s 25th birthday (God bless her soul…I think I was drunk on my 25th birthday). I’m pretty sure I was fat as a zygote. I was a chunky embryo, but I was a pretty small baby…6 lbs I believe. What happened from there is shocking. I attended St. Cyprian’s Catholic School in Long Beach, CA. I grew, became the tallest girl in my class, and towered over most of the boys in elementary school. Then, upon entering the 8th grade, I noticed I wasn’t tall anymore. None of the girls were considered tall. The boys grew like weeds over the summer, and now they were towering over US! Instead of growing taller, I just began to grow wider. I vividly remember being 160 lbs in the 8th grade! I wore a size 14 dress for my 8th grade graduation! What the hell was wrong with me? My sister was tiny, and I was beginning to become huge!
I began my Freshman year at St. Joseph High School in Lakewood, CA, and realized being at an all girls school was going to be easier. I was going to school with most of the girls I had just gone to school with for the last 8 years, so it wasn’t too hard to adjust. I made new friends, and my best friend at the time was a “big girl” too, so we were stuck together like glue for years. As the years went by, I kept on growing. Mind you, my height (which has been the same for years) was 5′5″, so I was capped out as far as growing taller. But I just kept growing wider! I had boyfriends, I didn’t have any problems with friends, I was never made fun of for being overweight, so I never really thought anything of it. I did get the occasional “You have such a pretty face, but you hide it under all that weight”, or “You would look so much better if you would just lose some weight.” Or the infamous “Katie, you’re just big boned.” I always laughed off my weight problem, and made jokes about myself, because I thought it would hurt less if I was the one that commented on my weight before anyone else got the chance. I was wrong, it just made it worse. Even blaming it on the fact that I was Russian and Italian was beginning to get old!
After I graduated, I worked at Disneyland. I was wearing a size 16-18. I remember that because you had to wear a costume everyday (yuck), and you went up to this “drive-thru window” like operation, they would slide your employee card, and your sizes would pop up on their computer and they would grab you some stinky costume that God only knew who wore it before you. That’s where I met Josh (my husband) for the first time. We quickly became friends, it turned into more than friends, and due to some unmentionable circumstances, we never did start dating or anything like that. I was bummed, ended up dating a new guy, and quit Disneyland to move to Oceanside to live in my Great Grandparents house (they had passed away) with my new boyfriend.
My weight continued to skyrocket. 278 lbs comes to mind by the time I was 19-20 years old. Jason never said anything about my weight in the beginning, and I never openly admitted I was depressed about my size, and I continued on with life. I thought this was it. By this time my self esteem was in the toilet, and I was miserable. Jason and I weren’t working out anymore, and after almost 3 years, we split up on New Year’s Eve in 1998. I woke up the day after he left and was suddenly happy to be single again, but I wasn’t happy with my weight. But still, I continued to do nothing about it.
I turned 21 in 2000. I was still living in Oceanside, I had started attending college again and I was partying like it was 1999. I was drinking alot, I had a crappy job, and I was preoccupied with being a single Twentysomething. I moved back to Long Beach that May, got a job working as a Merchandising Assistant for PacSun at their corporate headquarters. I was still fat, but I was starting to be happy again. I remember fit models coming in to try on our product, and I will never forget the girls that came in to try on the swimwear. They would prance around the office like nobody’s business and they looked like they hadn’t eaten in years. You looked at them, and they looked like they were going to yak right in front of you. I was fat. I mean I was huge, and I was working for a company that made clothes for itty bitty girls and guys. Problem was, they were making clothes for normal sized people….not people like me.
In 2002 I was placed on disabilty with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. I was told I would be out for a maximum of 3 months after surgery on my right hand and elbow. I was devestated. I was living in Anaheim to be closer to work, and was renting a house that my parents own. Thank God I was living in their house, because what was supposed to be a 3 month temporary disability turned into a year and a half disability. Three weeks after my first surgery, my friends decided I needed to go to Long Beach and get out for a little while. So, I hopped in my car (with 170 stitches in my hand and elbow), and drove to the bar to meet up with some friends. We ended up at Alex’s Bar, a little jewel of a bar in Long Beach, but didn’t stay long. Ended up at the Prospector, where my friend Shannon requested we go because she had a friend that was leaving for Spain, and there was a small group gathering for a going away party…..That’s when my life changed……
I will never forget that day. May 31,2002. I was wearing a big, ugly blue sweater, and a pair of plaid capri pants that I think were probably too small for me. I got a beer, sat down at a booth with a bunch of people, and everyone started with the 20 questions about my arm…”What happened?”, someone asked. “Knife fight”, I replied. I didn’t feel like going into the whole thing. Soon after my comment, the guy next to me said, “I don’t mean to sound cheesy, but did you used to work at Disneyland?” I turned to look at him, and lo and behold, it was JOSH!!! JOSH! My best friend and confidant from Disneyland! Josh, the guy I was in love with, but couldn’t have! All I remember thinking was “Josh- oh my God, he can’t possibly remember who I am, I am so fat!!!! I am so embarrassed, I have gained so much weight!”
He remembered me; he had never forgotten about me, nor had a I about him. Next thing we knew, everyone had gotten up from the table, and left us alone to catch up. I was crying my eyes out. I couldn’t believe after 5 years, here we were again, and of all places, the cheesiest bar in Long Beach. We talked and talked, I commented on how fat I had gotten, and he said he didn’t care. (Don’t let me fool ya, he had gained a few pounds himself) We caught up on old times, yammered about our Disney days, updated eachother on what the other was doing, and the rest is history. After 3 straight days of being together 24/7, he told me he wasn’t going to lose me again, and asked me to marry him.
We were married 2 and a half months later, on August 16, 2002.
I went in for another surgery on my left hand in September of 2002, and that’s when the anxiety and depression started. I couldn’t believe that for just being married, I was so miserable. It wasn’t my marriage, it wasn’t Josh, it was me. Josh has been nothing but my savior and my knight in shining armor since we have been together. By this time, I wasn’t getting out of my pajamas much anymore. He was working 12 hour graveyard shifts at his job, and I was used to being up all night, and sleeping all day, like him. I stayed home all the time, I didn’t want to do anything, and all I could think was I was this big fat blob with screwed up hands that would never amount to much in life. I felt that way for a long time. My moods were changing, I would cry uncontrollably, I would get really angry, then start crying, and I didn’t know why. My weight consumed my life. That’s all I thought about. I was always wondering if someone was looking at me, what they were thinking; it drove me nuts! I was embarrassed to be introduced to Josh’s family and friends, for concern that they were wondering why Josh married such a tub-o- goo! Between that and the piles of paperwork mounting from my Worker’s Comp case, I was literally in a downward spiral. I was miserable. I was depressed. I needed help. By this time I had been to 2 different doctors, 3 different rehabilitation programs, a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, and I was still in a ton of pain with my hands. I was so frustrated with the whole thing that I decided it was time to hire an attorney. I literally couldn’t take the stress and the pain anymore. And to top it all off, here I have the most wonderful husband and best friend on the face of the earth, and I was depressed… What was my problem? Again, I needed help.
I went to my doctor, and told him I needed help. I explained how chaotic my life was and he was convinced I was suffering from anxiety attacks. He prescribed me Zoloft, which seemed to help. That, in combination with the fact that I was going to be able to return to work soon seemed promising.
I started working again in November of 2003. I decided it was time to start working in the family business. Instead of going through the vocational rehabilitation program through the state, I decided to bite the bullet, get out of the Worker’s Comp system and just start working for my dad. It was the best decision I made. I received my insurance license in 2004, and have had a blast learning the business.
But still, my weight continued to be a HUGE problem. I was starting to think “Who’s going to want to buy insurance from a fat girl?”
Josh had me go see his family doctor and told me that Dr. Lowe would understand how I was feeling if I just told him what I was thinking. He was right. He was able to pinpoint exactly what was going on in my head. For years I thought no one would understand what was going on in my head. But Dr. Lowe understood. He told me how it was, and he told me I have a problem, and he told me I am the only one to fix it. And, he told me I needed to stay on medication. He had prescribed EffexorXR. He told me I needed to lose weight, and he told me I needed to quit smoking. And he told me if I didn’t do something about my weight, I was going to die. You’d think that someone telling you that you were going to die would be a big enough slap in face to get you to change…but it wasn’t. The fact that I wasn’t going to be able to have kids at this weight should have knocked some sense into me, but it didn’t.
So May 3, 2005. It’s like God finally slapped me silly and said “Get your shit together girl!” I went on the Weight Watchers site, read a ton of success stories, and that was it! I started the program, and said to myself “I am really going to do it this time, and nothing is going to stop me!” I can’t tell you what it was, but it’s amazing how much better life is! I am 35 lbs lighter, I feel great, I have more energy than ever, and I am excited about continuing my journey. I will get healthy. I will be thin. I will be all the things I have wanted to be for so long.I am still on medication, which I am anxious to get off of soon. I really believe my weight is what has messed me up mentally for all these years. But here’s the plan: I will be the best wife to my husband, I will be the best kid to my parents, I will be the best sibbling to my sister. And most of all, I will be the best I can be for ME!
My life is not working to save me anymore, I am working to save my life!!!